Divorce, changes & new beginnings – it’s vital to talk.

It’s a known fact that one out of two marriages now ends in divorce, and it can often be amicable. However, one person usually struggles more. Ideally, this is when you need to talk to somebody. Even if you are the person inciting the divorce, your mind may be everywhere. Lots of things are about to change in your life, and by talking them through, not with a friend or relative as they will often say what you want to hear or what they think you should do, a professional person as they will allow you to say exactly how you feel and make your decisions with help for prompts.
These days it doesn’t seem unusual to have multiple marriages; however, divorce can still be an enormous upheaval for all those concerned. Finding a neutral person to talk to can be difficult, but I genuinely believe it is essential. Many factors can cause divorces, and also, the people that are affected can differ in every case. When the person that you thought you could trust the most in this world betrays you, it starts to give you doubts about the rest of the people around you. That betrayal can also affect the children in the household, which puts more stress on you. Or even if you and your partner stop loving each other, you need to decide to start again and make the break.
Discussing how you feel with a neutral person, not the divorce solicitor, as they are looking at the practicality and financial side, they will not be thinking about how it all affects you. Even if they do, this is not a cost you want adding to an already expensive situation.
This person will not be there to take sides. They will listen to how you feel and allow you to vent when needed. They will challenge you more than if you discuss things with a close friend or family member, as they will only say something that will make you feel better as the last thing they want to do is hurt you anymore, and sometimes you need to hear the hard stuff too.
When going through this time, try to think of what is best for you and how you want the outcome to be. I genuinely believe that no matter what the other party has done, it will not benefit you if you stay bitter, you will be wasting your life on that person. They will struggle to see you start moving forward; however, that is their problem, not yours.
When children are involved, ensure that you manage to stay as calm as possible in front of them, as you would never want them to resent you and at the end of the day, they didn’t ask for the divorce to happen. Sometimes it can help, depending on the children’s age, to get someone to talk to them too or ask them if they would like to speak to an independent person as they may not want to tell you how they feel as it may upset you.
Never feel weak because you’ve asked for help. It is a very sensible thing to do. If you have broken a bone, you go to see a doctor. If you have a car that is not working, you take it to the garage. So when your life has broken, it’s time to ask for help from a professional.
It is a great idea to write a journal each morning as this will help you get all your feelings out of your head, and when you see it in black and white, it starts to be easier to make sense of it. Also, your journal is good to take to see your support person as you have all your notes in front of you, and it makes your life so much easier when discussing things with them. Ensure that you take time out each day for yourself too. Remember, you can not run on zero, so taking time keeps your energies topped up.
Dealing with the changes can be exhausting, especially if you don’t have a plan, so each day or week, start making the minor changes that you need to in your life so that when the last change happens, you can cope more easily. You will be grieving, so please remember this will all take time.
Once you complete the divorce, keep up with the journaling and even continue to talk to the support person as you may feel alone if you stop everything straight away, they will help you build on your plans for your new life. You can slowly reduce the meetups when you feel your new beginning is on the right track.